roll with the punches but stay on your feet


i like that phrase, means your fighting, means your taking hits, but as long as your on your feet there is still hope that you can throw sweet punch & knock 'em down.

friday night i went for a couple of drinks after work, went to cool wee bar in the middle of a housing estate in the centre called "scruffy murphy's" but it was, in the way that every pub in ireland seems to be, totally full of all sorts of people. was outside with my manager dude standing with him for a smoke, but it turned out to be a joint, and i had a couple of puffs, it was pretty light but just weird to feel stoned. Like in belfast when there are any number of drugs on the go, I am never interested but here, taken by surprise I just went with it.
Anyway met chris(a good mate from church who i can always be straight with) in mcDs for burgler before we went to a gig, he was slagging me for being rubbish. So we rocked into Amon Dorns and after agreeing we werent going to start on the pints till later, we started on the pints... saw a REALLY cool funk band called "Creamy Goodness" they had these two backing singers and the lead man had dreds, reminded me of "the committments" We met Chris' old work mates from Virgin, who are pure comic genius, so the craic was flowing and we were dancing to the funky music... one of the girls was pretty nice but it was all going grand. Then it was suggested we head to Ri Ra a club nearby, I was feeling pretty knackered and was drunk, and could see that the chances of things getting tricky with the good lookin girl, were high. So like a true lemming i agreed. And so on arrival on the dancefloor I was suddenly in one of those "only happens in the movies" momments as everyone seemed to vanish leaving graham and girl alone, needless to say, it was only a matter of time before I was doing my best to choke her with my tongue. DOH, but somehow in the moment if felt so good and natural, the simplicity of shallowness, i dont know who you are, where you come from what you believe, i trust you here i am take me.
Eventually the hollywood effect wore off and everyone once more appeared on the dancfloor with another round of drinks, great, this time I realised I couldnt handle any more pints and in my infinite wisdom had asked for a whisky. bad to worse ensued and then in a moment prehaps of guilt i said "dont let me leave wit her" to Chris. To which he replied "Dont let yourself!" and slowly as my desire not to do what happened in St. Andrews ever again broke into the mist and collided with my almost insane "all or nothing" mentality; I pegged it out the door into a taxi and home.
The feelings of desire for the girl after having been kissing her were almost unbearable, I was shouting at God, myself, everything, "how I am meant to not do this till Im married"?
Saturday passed without me leaving the house, moaning a good bit and generally feeling a bit hard done by but glad i had bust the move, coupled with the realisation of how many bad decisions I had managed to string together.
Sunday evening Eoghan, steps up to preach, from James 1 about considering it "Pure Joy" instead of poor me, when we face trials and temptations! Perspective flooded back into my head, God loves me much more that I do, he is developing my character. The only reason he wants us to save getting giggy for the wife, is because He knows it will be at its best then. I am not stuck in a vicious circle but hard journey, mind you it doesnt need to be as hard as i make it sometimes!!