warm up to the weekend with Timothy Wisdom, this guy is genius get involved on the low down dirty sound mix... sweet

rockin,

last night a church was sweet, God really showed up, such a sense of freedom I try to break dance at the back without worrying what ppl would think:), the dude who spoke was great, about prayer a of Habakuk's (in Hab 3), who was a prophet in the old testament, who was saying to God, "rightso I heard you did all this amazing stuff in times gone before, but will you do it again now?"

Contrary to popular/my belief everyone in the old testament didnt cross the read sea, see goliath be killed and build the temple. Some were around in times that had nothing but the stories of God's great miracles and works.... sounds familiar

the dude who was speakin was fairly old and was like, "yeah I would be dead but Im hanging round to see God move miraculously again". I suppose I have always had that distant hope or wild dream that we could rock around like Jesus or the disciples and just heal people, raise people from the dead. Hanging around this part of the world those ideas kinda slip into the "and i wish i could fly like superman" part of the brain.

but i think its coming, i truly believe that Jesus power is the same, and that He loves people enough to want to heal them, and tell us special things that only He knows to encourage them and let them know who he is. Its happenin all over the world, laura my mate is seeing it...

the greatest miracle is definately salvation, this guy came to church last night on his own for the first time, and at the end was at the front in tears saying "this is mad this place is like nowhere else, i never thought i could come to the front of a church" but why can we believe that the God of the universe can make a personal connection with someone, speak into their heart, and yet not he can correct a part of their body that is damaged or hurting?

so whats stopping us? lets get involved, instead of trying to argue with people and convince them God exists, allow Him to show Himself in you, He lives in you. get close enough to know what this is:
To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. (col 1v27 NIV)

STROKED!!! I have just driven the car down from belfast, taking me three hours the last one stuck in city traffic jams, got into work parked in a pay and display, its cost ?2.50 / hour here which is ridculous, paid in all my change, got till 11:18, glace out the window at about 11:40 and see the clampers about to do me. Sprint down the 3 flights of stairs across the road and get "sorry mate its already been done" raging. granted i was pushing the boat out, with it over 20 mins expired but i mean COME ON ?80 stroked a weaker

nothing much has happened in the last few days, felt the need to drop a wee post, just to ease us all into the weekend. it funny how life flows sometimes, people come together then break apart, everyone left hurting. smoke and mirrors, lies and truth, the he said, she said bullshit. watching big brother too, its kinda wierd seeing them all trying to relate, gain the upper hand, be popular, to avoid nomination and eviction. i can kind of relate, i would like to say that God's opinion of me is the only one i pay attention to, but really i am influenced by those around me, to fall from grace with a particular group or my perception of how they expect me to behave makes me do crazy stuff. i do hope i am on my way to greater security and character, but i saw a wee poster on my wall the other night

"your blessed when you are content with just who you are, no more, no less, thats the monment you find yourselves proud owners of everthing that cant be bought".

and the main man said that; Jesus. So life is messy and flows and ebbs, but we cant live in the future or the past, we are only live in this moment, so be happy in who you are, enjoy the people around you, now is all we ever have.
peace

Back in southampton for another whirlwind weekend. The last one with a good few friends who have now graduated, but also felt like the beginning of next year back in the soton hood. Really looking forward to the student life. Was flying kites on the common on sat, forgot how much fun it is, managed a kiteloop handlepass too which aint bad for not doing it in a year. unfortunately also hit a woman pushing a pram with the lines.... doh!

genuis,
this site called Global Giving allows you to find projects all over the world to give money to, its kinda aimed at businesses but if you are minted you could probably help a bunch of mexicans start a business, or some african girls go to school, or some hungarians research stuff. brilliant.
i am excited because the boss of my work agreed to setting up a corporate social responsiblility policy which bascially means the firm will set up a process of doing good stuff for the comunity, enviroment etc etc. Yo, especially cool are the fact that it all has happened in response to prayer and that our company is actually not profitable (we are a new software firm so you make a loss for the first few years) COME ON :)

found this site too, its pretty cool have a house party and change the world, now thats what im talking about... The New Heros it has a cool trailer bit that takes a while to load and i think its made by the yankees but its sweet.

roll with the punches but stay on your feet


i like that phrase, means your fighting, means your taking hits, but as long as your on your feet there is still hope that you can throw sweet punch & knock 'em down.

friday night i went for a couple of drinks after work, went to cool wee bar in the middle of a housing estate in the centre called "scruffy murphy's" but it was, in the way that every pub in ireland seems to be, totally full of all sorts of people. was outside with my manager dude standing with him for a smoke, but it turned out to be a joint, and i had a couple of puffs, it was pretty light but just weird to feel stoned. Like in belfast when there are any number of drugs on the go, I am never interested but here, taken by surprise I just went with it.
Anyway met chris(a good mate from church who i can always be straight with) in mcDs for burgler before we went to a gig, he was slagging me for being rubbish. So we rocked into Amon Dorns and after agreeing we werent going to start on the pints till later, we started on the pints... saw a REALLY cool funk band called "Creamy Goodness" they had these two backing singers and the lead man had dreds, reminded me of "the committments" We met Chris' old work mates from Virgin, who are pure comic genius, so the craic was flowing and we were dancing to the funky music... one of the girls was pretty nice but it was all going grand. Then it was suggested we head to Ri Ra a club nearby, I was feeling pretty knackered and was drunk, and could see that the chances of things getting tricky with the good lookin girl, were high. So like a true lemming i agreed. And so on arrival on the dancefloor I was suddenly in one of those "only happens in the movies" momments as everyone seemed to vanish leaving graham and girl alone, needless to say, it was only a matter of time before I was doing my best to choke her with my tongue. DOH, but somehow in the moment if felt so good and natural, the simplicity of shallowness, i dont know who you are, where you come from what you believe, i trust you here i am take me.
Eventually the hollywood effect wore off and everyone once more appeared on the dancfloor with another round of drinks, great, this time I realised I couldnt handle any more pints and in my infinite wisdom had asked for a whisky. bad to worse ensued and then in a moment prehaps of guilt i said "dont let me leave wit her" to Chris. To which he replied "Dont let yourself!" and slowly as my desire not to do what happened in St. Andrews ever again broke into the mist and collided with my almost insane "all or nothing" mentality; I pegged it out the door into a taxi and home.
The feelings of desire for the girl after having been kissing her were almost unbearable, I was shouting at God, myself, everything, "how I am meant to not do this till Im married"?
Saturday passed without me leaving the house, moaning a good bit and generally feeling a bit hard done by but glad i had bust the move, coupled with the realisation of how many bad decisions I had managed to string together.
Sunday evening Eoghan, steps up to preach, from James 1 about considering it "Pure Joy" instead of poor me, when we face trials and temptations! Perspective flooded back into my head, God loves me much more that I do, he is developing my character. The only reason he wants us to save getting giggy for the wife, is because He knows it will be at its best then. I am not stuck in a vicious circle but hard journey, mind you it doesnt need to be as hard as i make it sometimes!!

Watched a heavy film last night, danish in subtitles called brothers. really well done, but basically one brother ends up a prisoner in Afganistan. The Afgans force him to choose between dying or killing the other danish solider with an iron bar. Under the pressue he flips out and beats the other guy to death. When he is later rescued but cant fit back into family life because of his guilt. The tag line of the film is this soilder saying to his wife:"there is no longer wrong and right, life is not good and bad, i love you is all that remains"

not exactly sweetness and light, but it struck me that without a way to forgiveness(self or otherwise), without a sense of something greater than the immediate, hope rapidly vanishes. I think no matter who I become or what job I do im still gonna have to be able to say: "Sorry lads I messed this up".

Grace vs. Law

since sunday i have been debating in my head about whether i had too much to drink or not. basically i am still detirmined to never do to anyone else what i did to kelly.
i had a few on sunday and i had been trying to definately not have more than two. i had been working on none aswell. so i had been kinda focused on rules to keep me in the clear, but then chatting to dave my mentor and listening to God this morning i realised that the one person who doesnt want me to go back down that road more than me is Jesus. If i would just let Him work in me and rely on His grace then i can be transformed in a way that no amount of rules will ever achieve.

i still think it can be good to say right for this time im not going to drink at all, or something but its about why im doing that, is it to try and make me better or is it in response to pure love?