one monster of a post... 8days of silence... missing the point.... graduation in heat.... fear and loathing all over the place...

in homage to hunter s. thompson (you need to watch fear and loathing in las vegas) this will be a gonzo post, with no structure or organisation beyond the various moments that thoughts cross my mind...

first a follow up to a post way back near easter (two one night stands) i had most alarming text message ever when the girl from that trip informed she had clamidia and i therefore mite to. first point use a condom, shouldnt we all carry them just in case? when we go driving we have absolutely no plan to have an accident yet we wear seat belts just in case. anyway the waiting room of the sti part of the hospital was funny in the darkest sense about 20 men sat round a room that was a little too small all trying to avoid eye contact, feeling uneasy and a little condemmed. The actual examination seemed grand until the swab bit... whatever else anyone says I will gladly be keeping sex until im married to avoid that again; a slighty camp nurse sticking a plastic stick up my little friend... Ouch!....

which leads neatly to an 8 day retreat in dublin, with the jesuits who are a seriously rocking order within the Roman catholic church. The R Cath. church has its bad points no doubt but just trying to get my head around the depth of my spiritual director's relationship with Jesus was head melting. having nowhere to go and nothing to do will seriously chill you out. it took a day or two to get used to silence (apart from the wee chat with the director once a day, no talking) but then reading luke 15 the parables of the lost sheep, coin and prodical son. In which Jesus tells these stories to explain that God is not just standing around with his arms folded because we make mistakes but He is out searching for us, tenderly trying to find us. And when he does there is no reckoning, no "what did you do THAT?!" instead he is overcome with love picks us up onto his sholders and calls a celebration just because he has found us.

to feel that love was pretty mind blowing, it makes me giggle. i scrambled down to the belfast vineyard yesterday morning, pretty hanging and feeling guilty, and by about halfway in i was just laughing and smiling. of course i am a mess of course God knows this of course he still loves
me, i have nothing and He is everything.
for far too long i have been on some sort of death insurance policy trip, the whole christianity thing just making sure i dont end up in some firey pit after popping my cloggs. but that is monumentally missing the point, the confidence and beauty of the love of God accepting me just who i am, and opening up awesome adventures for this life, giving me hope and a super chilling perspective, is well worth jacking in a selfish journey to affluent bordem.

in fact i challenge this whole school>(uni)>work>house>?? cycle, whos idea is it? its like some sort of unquestioned mantra built into our "free" democractic livestyles
the worlds a pretty screwed place, when our world leaders back up a country bombing innocent civilians, when everyday 10,000 kids die of treatable diseases, do you not think we should prehaps consider changing this place instead of just floating along till we have to explain what a mess we have made to our kids?

when world war two was declared everyone had to choose if they would stop their normal lives to go and fight or sit back and let hitler advance. this time round our governments are profiting far too much from the victims and corporations who exploit these countries to ever blow the whistle, so we are going to have to figure out how to effect change ourselves. thankfully these same people will do just about anything to win votes and maintain their power so if we did stand up and make it clear that we will not accept bigger profits in return for the blood of those living in absolute poverty, they would pretty sharpish start responding...


thats quite a swing of madness, i dont really have the engry to tell you about wearing a cape and strange hand shakes in southampton, or a fine pair of trainers i recently acquired. but i will say this lets get richard and ashlene out of the house and leave pete and glynn to win.