a simple glance, eyes meet, hold and move away. then they come back, a marker pen and jambon written on her tummy, the reason why irrlevant the intial ice broken. later she returns to ask something the music is too loud, it does matter we are together again, the kiss is soon inevitable and well timed, not too long not too short, retreat from the dancefloor, ask her name who she is where she is from. do you want a drink? no thanks. chat some more, a tune comes on whisked off to the dancefloor once more, in the maddness and colour its only her that matters, jumping up and down bouncing off the others our connection is never broken. her friend checks in for approval and to offer the diginifed exit, but its far too late for that she dissmisses her friend and once more it is only her and i. we drift back off the dancefloor, this time drinks are given and recieved vodka and whiskey as if any more were required but that fresh taste of alcohole on her lips when we kiss makes it worthwhile. the night majestically vanishes in her eyes and now the sublte moment of exit is required. a wet t-shirt contest is no fun so lets get on the run, mini-bus waiting, you place or mine, oh its the same place great, on up on up the hill, now would be a good time to escape leave it as it is a fun night no harm done. but not now not tonight, kissing outside in the cold till the air bites and we escape indoors, rising to the fourth floor. into apparment, quick nip to the gents and chat on balcony before its time to come together, clothes slip off as vertical becomes horizontal and soon the kissing takes second place to the sex. nails dig, faces scrunch as once, twice, three times a lady, the strangest sensation as we share all within hours of meeting, well aware that she leaves tomorrow and this night is all we have. the pointless futile abadon of all is fragile and precious, did that mean anything to her have i just been used? fear and insecurity abound as sleep takes over.
morning comes that burning acid taste of hangover and sin, is more than can be tolerated, water please, ah yes water, now bleary eyes focus and a reassesment of the mysterious beauty from clubland, in cold day light... but still a beauty, awkwardness overcome with last nights jokes and memories, friends arrive and banter begins, exit stage left or remain? breakfast is suggested so why not, lets follow this path a little further and see where it ends.
it does soon, me too afraid to appear desperate and hang around too long, so off i go, to depression and emptiness, come play with me, just a while, i dont last long, i dont want you to know me, just tonight i can be whoever i want you to think i am. what sense do i make a beloved son of the most high God throwing away everthing for nothing.
i ponder this still days later in the chapel of gatwick airport waiting the final step back to belfast, i know i cant survive without Jesus, so i say sorry once more, in the completeness of his love he welcomes me a grace i never deserve is still there for me. and just a suddenly another kind of madness kicks off. as i pray in that place a man arrives frightening and confused, "tonight i will be tortured" by who by what, he is half spanish is this a misuse of phrase or is he for real? sacrificed and tortured, "pray with me" is what he wants, but how can i be here now to meet him, surely there is someone much better qualified than me to help this man in his darkest hour? i cant refuse, so off we go into the heart of God, as the rubbish is stripped off we both cry out afresh to Jesus, make us like you, give us strength. Passages of the bible take on a new impact in the face of death. My flight comes and goes but i cannot leave this man, if he is to die tonight. closer we are drawn, total strangers now hugging, and sharing who we really are and supporting as fear steps back and love and peace come in. no perfect answer but with courage he leaves assured that Jesus loves him.
did he die that night? i dont know i had flights to rebook and he wanted to left alone to face his fate, but i cannot forget his face or story. a couple of hours in one night shared in God's love, gives hope and life. how can Jesus love a hypcrit like me? i dont think he should, but he does so very much.
yesterday i arrive back the swirl of reality a little hard to take but eventually bed and 16hrs sleep seems to reset normality... a least for a while.
